Welcome to the World Claire!

It's been exactly three weeks since our perfect baby Claire entered our world. The following is just a whole bunch of stuff that I want to remember about Claire's arrival... so fair warning if its TMI or incomprehensible.

Claire Faith Hillam was born on January 4th, 2016 at 1:40 pm. She weighed 7 lbs 4 oz and was 20.25 inches long. She was born at Portneuf Medical Center in Pocatello, and Dr. Stinger delivered her. Our Labor and Delivery nurse was an amazing, kind of crazy ;) woman named Wendy. We absolutely loved her and were so grateful to have such an awesome nurse. They truly do make all the difference.

I went into the hospital on Sunday, January 3rd and began my "induction" at 10pm. Because I wasn't dilated or effaced (at all really), they started me on a drug called Cytotec rather than start me on the Pitocin. The cytotec was supposed to help my cervix along and each dose was for a 4 hour period. After my first four hours, I was dilated to a two. Not very promising. So at 2 am, they started me on another dose. After 4 hours of dose number 2, I still wasn't progressing. So at around 6:30 am, my pitocin was started. Nice and slow. The contractions finally started to come. Nothing extreme, but I knew I didn't want to let them get too bad before I got my epidural. So at around 10 am, I asked for and was given my epidural! It was awesome not having to experience the horribly painful contractions that I had felt before they let me get my epidural with Hallie. At this point, I was maybe dilated to a three.  My epidural was administered by a student... and it was pretty painful to receive. It also worked really heavily on one side and not so much on the other. So it wasn't as awesome as my 1st epidural, but thats ok!

At 1pm Wendy checked me and I was still at a 3. So disappointing! She was really hoping to have this baby by 1:30pm, and it didn't look like that was happening. Dr. Stinger was also hoping for that because he needed to get back to the clinic to see patients at that time. So Wendy decided to check me again at 1:15 to see if I was effacing more or anything....and I was a 10! Ready to go! I went from a 3 to a 10 in less than 15 minutes and I was sooo grateful! So the Dr. and his resident got all set up and I started pushing.

Pushing was not fun this time around. I couldn't feel anything! It was so frustrating to be told to push, when you literally can't feel anything below your belly button. But I faked it as best as I could. I was SO exhausted but even more excited to meet this little baby, so I pushed and I pushed and I pushed! About 20 minutes later, our sweet baby girl arrived! It was such a different experience than when Hallie was born. With Hallie, it was instant adrenaline. I absolutely couldn't believe that Hallie was there, and I was SO in love, I just kept repeating "I love her! I love her! Oh my goodness, I love her!" When the Dr. pulled out Claire, I couldn't help but start to tear up, again in such awe of the miracle of what had just happened, and so filled with love, but I felt it in such a different way. (After telling that to Eric, he also admitted that he teared up when Claire was born.) Both experiences were so special and so amazing, but so different.

Our 24 hours in the hospital after Claire was born were pretty great too. Here's a few things we realized were different from our first 24 hours with Hallie.

The Name: With Hallie, we waited and waited to pick a name. It just never "clicked". Finally, we were forced to write a name down on the birth certificate paper, and we frantically wrote down a name. We love it and it's perfect for her, but we didn't know that at the time.

With Claire, we came  to the hospital with a list of our Top 5. Hazel, Evelyn, Claire, Reagan, Olivia (I think there was actually one more, but I can't remember). But we sincerely had no idea which of those names, if any, were right for our girl. We stressed out about it for months! Within moments of holding her, I knew instantly that this was not a Hazel, not and Evelyn etc. This was my little Claire. I was so caught off guard by how certain and how sudden I KNEW her name. I turned to Eric and said something like, "Honey, I really can't imagine her as anything but our little Claire". I was nervous to tell him that, because I felt SO strongly that  Claire was supposed to be her name, but I knew that Claire was not at the top of his list. So I about melted when he replied, "I know. I totally agree." Wahooo! That was easy! Her middle name, not so much. We really like Claire Joy, and were pretty sure that was what it would end up as, but we couldn't nail it down. Finally, Eric said, "How about, Claire Faith?" Again, it instantly rang true, and we wrote it down seconds later and never looked back. I love how sure we were!

The Food: The food at Madison was awesome. The food at Portneuf was awful.

The Nursery: With Hallie, we kept her with us 24/7. If she had to go somewhere, Eric went with her. She stayed with us in our room all day and all night. I would feed her, then pass her off to Eric to burp and change her. We loved that time with her.

With Claire... we were exhausted. So when the nursery nurses came in to offer their services, we accepted every time. It saved our sanity to have those extra few hours of sleep and to not have to worry about Claire. I'm glad we spent that time with Hallie, because I felt like as first time parents, we needed to prove to ourselves that we could really do this, but with Claire, we already knew we were champs :) and also knew the importance of sleep.

The Weather: Hallie was born in the heat of July. We sent her home in a little t-shirt and a diaper cover. Claire was born in the freezing January, and we were not prepared! We didn't even have a blanket for her! We were also talked to a lot more about the dangers of cold/flu/rsv season with babies. Scary stuff!

Recovery: My recovery with both girls has been awesome. I feel great! The only big difference was the after-labor pains. They were SO intense with Claire! Literally worse than any pain I felt during labor. I couldn't believe how painful they were. They eased up within 2-3 days, but still. SO painful! It's also not comforting that those pains are supposed to get worse and worse with every baby :( I will for sure have my pain meds ready to go next time. I had to wait a while to get them with Claire, and I thought I was going to die.

These past three weeks have been amazing. We feel so blessed to have two healthy, beautiful baby girls!

Welp

Welp. I started writing in my journal a couple months ago, with the intention of turning most of the entries into blog posts.... but that's not going to happen. So here's a bunch of random stuff going through my head.

1. I am listening to sirens wiz by our house for probably the third time today (it's not even noon). Sirens and the train. Both regular occurrences round these parts. The sounds of Hallie's childhood. Anyways, it just reminds me of how Eric's teacher asked him where we lived and when Eric told him... all he said was... "Huh. There's a lot of crime over there." Thank you professor. Eric is now requesting a shotgun for Christmas. But, truth be told... I love this place! I love our apartment and I love our neighbors and our ward. Yes, it's kind of creepy and our doors/windows are locked 100% of the time, but it's worth it. ** P.S. We're also like 89% positive we've witnessed several drug deals occur in our front yard. Weird.

2. Grandma Hillam gave me a bag of "Somersaults" for my birthday. They're sunflower seed clusters bound together with dutch cocoa. Strangely addicting. 

3.We're looking into buying a mini-van. Woot woot! I could not be more excited. SO excited.

4. Eric and I are awful at Christmas shopping. Our first year married, we ran to Target and Ross on the 23rd and he helped me pick out a new satchel and I helped him pick out a new pair of shoes. And that was Christmas. No surprises. No thought behind the presents. But it worked. Last year we did a little better, but this year I'm super excited because I spent time and energy on picking out his gifts and they'll all be a surprise!

5. I used the $$ I budgeted out for Hallie's Christmas presents on Eric.... so... whoops! Sorry Hallie, I'm sure your grandparents and dad have got you covered!

6. I'm really excited for the new year! Wahoo for goals and new schedules and a fresh start. Mostly wahoo for starting off the new year not pregnant (hopefully!)

7. 36 weeks pregnant has never felt so good! Seriously this pregnancy is night and day different from Hallie's. I'm eternally grateful! I'm getting SO SO SO excited to meet this little girl. A;aldkfj;ad I seriously love her so much and I'm so excited for Hallie to be a big sister. She is OBSESSED with all things baby right now, so little sister's timing is perfect. Also, not to be vain or anything, but I feel like I've mastered the one kid thing. Hallie and I have an awesome flow of day to day life, and I'm ready to switch it up a little and take on the challenge of two kiddos. I'm sure it'll be crazy, but I'm so excited!

8. Hallie is napping and I left my phone in her room... and then Redbox texted me. Hallie has this weird 6th sense where she can hear a phone vibrate from a mile away (seriously though) even in the deepest of sleep. So it woke her up and now she's sitting up with her hand to her ear saying "Hello! Hello? HELLO???" and looking for the nearest phone. It's adorable, but I'm bummed that it woke her up, so I just unsubscribed from Redbox texts. Rash decision I may regret later. But probably not.

9. I love the stage Hallie is in right now. I know I say that at every stage. But 16 months is so fun! She is so funny and the best part is that she totally knows how funny she is, so she'll dead pan while we are rolling on the floor. She used to laugh at her own little jokes, but now that she sees that we think it's even more funny when she doesn't, she'll just stand there stone faced, staring at us. Ahhh she's so cute. But she's also into everything! Climbing onto the table and chairs, opening every single drawer, climbing onto dressers etc. So many falls, so many bruises!

10. Eric is pretty good at this whole juggling dental school and family thing. Everyone warned me that it would be gruesome, and I'm sure it has been for him. But he hasn't let it get in the way of what's most important. I remember the summer before we started school, somebody (who knows all too well the rigors of dental school) sat me down and very seriously explained that I literally wouldn't have a husband this first semester. That I'd have to pretty much be a single mom and that me and Hallie would be alone in this. I hated hearing that and was kind of defensive about it, but as the first day of school approached, I figured I should probably brace myself for that kind of lifestyle. So I did, and I have been pleasantly surprised. Yes, Eric studies long hours. But it's not much more than he did in his undergrad. He comes home between 5-6 and sometimes he needs another 45 minutes or so in the evening to study, but usually he is ours for the rest of the night, or he'll wait until we get Hallie to bed before he breaks out the books. He's also been able to come to all but one of my prenatal appointments with me, which I really appreciate. His academics aren't hurting because of it either, he's doing really well and I couldn't be more proud of him! But I am super glad that next semester is supposed to be a bit more flexible.

11. I watched Dancing with the Stars for the first time this season and now that it's over, Hallie and I are both having serious withdrawals. It's the only show I've ever gotten "into" without Eric. I just hate watching TV by myself. Lucky for me, Hallie loved the music and the dancing and would sit and watch it with me. I wish I could figure out how to watch past seasons, but so far it's a no-go.

12. Speaking of TV, we have (for the first time) faithfully been following "The Voice" this season. We're obsessed with Jordan Smith. But really, who isn't?? We re-watch his performances literally minutes after he performs them. And we love his coy little pursed-lip head-nod. Can't wait to see him crowned the champion next week!

14. Have I mentioned that my little sister Holly (who is currently serving a mission in Peru) has no idea that I'm pregnant!?!? We skype with her on Christmas (which puts me at like 39.2 weeks pregnant) and that's when she'll find out that she's getting another niece. I can't decide if this was totally cruel and unusual of us to keep it from her or if it's no big deal because she's all focused and working hard and there's not much she could do differently whether I told her six months before or six days before. Either way, I'm excited for her to find out!

SAHM

Just because my heart is so full right now and this is a place where I can let it spill out onto the screen...

I am so grateful that I'm able to stay home with Hallie everyday. I didn't know how good I had it until I started learning about the struggles that so many moms face who don't have that same luxury that I do.

I used to just assume that women worked because that was something that they wanted to do. I didn't stop to think about how it is completely  financially necessary for many. (Duh. why did that never cross my mind?) I never stopped to think about how stressful it would be to pick and choose a baby sitter or a specific daycare that you could completely trust to care for the most precious thing in your life. I never considered how frustrating and heart wrenching it would be to find that your child is terrified to go to that person day after day. I never considered the scheduling worries of dropping off, picking up etc. and making sure that those times fit in your schedule. I never considered how hard it would be knowing that someone other than you might be there for all of their "firsts". I never considered how you would worry day after day that your child was being treated and cared for as best as possible.

I really was completely ignorant to a lot of the struggles that can come with being a working mom. Granted, not all working women face all the above worries, but for now I am just SO grateful. I've been able to meet and talk to working moms who have opened my eyes to what they go through, and I am in awe of them!

I can't help but feel so blessed that I get to spend every day side-by-side with Hallie. There are tough days for sure, but I wouldn't trade them for anything!

Dear 1-year-old Hallie,

You are incredible.

We seriously can't get enough of you!

This past year has been soooo much fun, we are so lucky to have you around.

Here's some things we adore about you:

Your cheesy grins that we can tell are 99% fake.
The way your eyes let us know when your smile really is genuine. They scrunch right up.
When you want to go outside you walk around saying "Shoooes"
Your two voices, whisper and yell.
Your kisses, mmmmmmmmmWAH!
When you "shake it" with a devious little grin.
Your closed mouth smile.
How much you love the great outdoors.
How much you adore babies.
Your sign language, such a smarty pants!
How you always lead quite dominantly with your right foot when you walk.
When you sign "baby" *swoon*
Your "scared shiver" face.
Your love of music and when you walk around the house singing and humming to yourself.
The way you go "ahhhh" after you take a drink.
Your love for necklaces and jewelry.
How serious you can instantly become in a new/unfamiliar situation.
The way you love digging in the dirt.

Pretty much, you are our favorite and we can't get over how lucky we are that you are ours!

Love, Mom and Dad

Easter

Bear World

Once upon a time (about two years ago exactly actually). Eric and I had just gotten back together after our weeklong break up. We were more in love than ever and knew that we were going to get married. I was just waiting for the proposal.

One day, Eric asks me on a date. He picks me up and takes me to....

BEAR WORLD!

It was so much fun!

I can't believe how much we loved it there! We instantly became obsessed with bears and all things bear world. We got to pet the baby bear cubs and see a ton of bears and other animals. So fun!

It was the best date ever! And it even got better after bear world!
When we left bear world, Eric didn't head back to Rexburg like I thought he would, instead he turned into Krupp Scout Hollow (I think) and pulled out a surprise picnic! 

Eric isn't big on surprise romantic things like that, so I was swept away and instantly thought, "OH MY GOSH! HE'S GOING TO PROPOSE TODAY! THIS IS SO PERFECT!" I was absolutely giddy with excitement... and was having a hard time paying attention to anything he was saying.

Well our picnic ended. No proposal.
But instead of going home, he had another surprise, we were going to go buy me a new tennis racket and then go play tennis. I was in dire need of a new one and was so happy that he thought to do that. (And in my head, I concocted all sorts of ideas about how maybe when we check out, the store clerk was going to hand Eric a ring instead of reciept, or maybe the ring was tied to one of the rackets and I had to find out which one. Or maybe he had it surgically implanted into a tennis ball and .... yada yada yada) I just knew it was coming!

But it didn't.

We had the most perfect, wonderful, romantic day and he totally had absolutely NO intention of proposing that day. Bah.

Anyways that was a long round about way of saying:

We went to BEAR WORLD again last weekend and we looooved it again!

This bear came right up to Eric's window and licked it! Eric hadn't shaved in a few days...so the bear clearly thought he was one of his own. 

It was opening day, so we got in for half price and we were able to get in and out before the crowds all swarmed it. It was perfect and we all loved it!

YAY BEARS!

9 Months of Hallie Grace

Hallie turns 9 months old tomorrow!

She now can stand unassisted for 30-45 seconds (but only if we're distracting her, once she realizes that she is standing, she plops down)

She can crawl up stairs all by herself.

She still only has those bottom two teeth, but I suspect more will be showing up very soon!

We still have no idea what color her eyes are going to be.

She is now wearing big girl pajamas!

She is only nursing in the mornings, and has recently become totally disinterested in her bottle. She loves to eat finger food and oatmeal however, and will down those really quick, but it's a battle getting her to sit still long enough to finish a bottle.

She looooooves her sippy cup. She LOVES water! Drinking it, bathing in it, splashing in it, washing her hands in it, having it sprayed in her face or poured on her head. She absolutely loves it. Bathtime might as well be Disneyland for her. She gets absolutely giddy the second she realizes it's time for a bath. When Eric bathes her, he just pours cups of water on her head over and over, she loves it! She also has an itty bitty rubber duck that she loves.

She still loves music and dancing! We caught her shaking her little bum back and forth the other day when someones cell phone started ringing.

She gives the sweetest hugs and kisses! I didn't think babies could give real hugs and kisses, but Hallie totally does! Especially when she wakes up in the morning and I'm too tired to get out of bed and get her, Eric will go get her and put her in our bed and she crawls right over to me, smashes her cheek next to mine and squeezes me tight! She will then proceed to open her mouth and place it wherever she can on my face... and then she likes me. Kinda gross... but sooo sweet! And then when I look at her and say "Good morning Hallie!" (because up until this point, I'm pretending to be asleep) She squeals and smiles so big! I love my morning with Hallie!

Hallie does not nap! ;alkfjadk;lfjadk; it is her downfall, and mine. She will fall asleep instantly if we drive somewhere, but on most days, she just fights through her sleepiness and plays and plays and plays. If she starts to get whiney, I will force her to take a nap, but usually she is just happy and ready to play all day. Then at night, she'll sleep for a good 12 hours.

She loves animals, especially grandma's dog Bulo. Bulo hates her and runs away anytime he sees her. And she just follows him all around the house until he begs to go outside and get away from her!

We've taught her a little bit of sign language (more, all done, milk) and she knows how to make all those signs... she just doesn't do them at the right times :) she just does them randomly throughout the day.

I'm not counting anything as her first word yet. She says mama and dada allll the time, but I'm still not sure if she knows what they mean. When she gets tired and whiney, she says "nye nye nye nye nye" which sounds a lot like "night night" but I don't think she knows what that means either.

Hallie is such a cheeser. She loves giving people and the camera her biggest goofiest grin. She squints her eyes when she does it and it is so funny!

Hallie is constantly making sounds, whether she's singing to herself, squawking, babbling or blowing raspberries, she is a pleasantly noisy little girl.

Hallie's favorite toys right now are a sand pail that she loves to put her face in and make sounds, and any toy that will make music or sing to her.

Hallie has recently found her ears and loves to put both hands up to both ears and flick them with her finger tips.

She is obsessed with Peek-A-Boo right now. Anytime she has a shirt/towel/blanket, tupperware lid etc. She'll try and play peek-a-boo with anyone around. She gets mad and sqawks at us though when we don't acknowledge her little game.

Pretty much she's amazing and she cracks us up all the time. We love her so much!